And she helped me just by being a friend. No one around me back then was knowledgeable about alcoholism or addiction and its effects on families. I can’t remember if Mom was drunk or if she was in Dry Alcoholic Mom mode, which was sometimes worse. I help people who grew up with alcoholic parents heal from the past and create their dream life.
- If he did I am confident he would have a fantastic, fulfilled life, but hers would be very different.
- She refused to recognise she had a problem and actively denied it whenever I brought it up.
- It reinforces to her that she shouldn’t be held responsible for her drinking and that others (i.e. you) need to be responsible for her well-being.
Moving 10 miles could save us thousands in childcare
It sounds like you are feeling better now. If these feelings of depression return you must see a therapist. Your mother does not need to know about this particularly given her reaction na vs aa to your speaking to “outsiders” in the past.
Ways growing up with an alcoholic parent can affect you as an adult:
Alcohol numbs them and it also gets them the attention they crave. So we need to start the ‘un-entwining’ by refusing to give them the attention. Then they’re left with the alcohol alone. I know it’s very hard to understand that, let alone accept it.
Taking care of or rescuing others even when it hurts you
During childhood, you came to believe that you’re fundamentally flawed, and the cause of the family dysfunction. Shame is the feeling that youre bad or wrong and unworthy of love. There are so many things that alcoholic families don’t talk about – to each other and especially to the outside world. When there are things so awful that they can’t be talked about, you feel there is something awful about you and that you’ll be judged and cast away. When you feel unworthy, you cant love yourself and you cant let others love you either. If youre an adult child of an alcoholic, you feel different and disconnected.
Children of Alcoholics Week
I was born in 1982 and grew up in Dearborn, Michigan. The first 10 years or so of my life, I don’t remember my father being home very much. He worked in the evenings, mostly, and this left me with my mom as the primary parent. Our experienced addiction team is also able to help the families of people in recovery.
And most memorable, she’d say the cruelest, hurtful things. As a young person, it was impossible to separate those mean words from the kind words she spoke when sober. The hurtful words were far more impactful. She doesn’t mean what she says when she’s drunk, my dad would explain. The words echoed in my mind and scarred me.
I had spent my entire life hiding my mother’s alcoholism from the world. No one besides my dad knew about the chaos and destruction that results from Mom’s drinking. For two years, I also hid this secret from my best friend. If you feel that your life has been affected by your alcoholic parent, it’s important for you to find a safe space where you feel comfortable to talk.
